November 2013
We entered the restaurant ‘El Puerto’ that along with others in Playa Los Americas is open to the street at the front. Perhaps ‘open to the street’ is the wrong description as the street is actually the broad promenade that, as promenades do, runs between the shops and restaurants on the landward side and the beach. Very few vehicles use it save the delivery vans and the occasional local police on motorbikes. The most common vehicle seen are mobility scooters; normal size, larger than normal size and big tandem ones with as expected a couple on board going along together. Tenerife is the only place that I have seen tandem mobility scooters.
We have dined in the El Puerto before and enjoyed it, the food is good and the staff are really friendly. We looked around as we entered and chose a table where the chairs to the inside facing out were in the shade but the table itself was in full sunshine. It was a perfect position and a perfect view. We settled in and then watched while the Scottish gaffer, the person who pulls in the customers, did her routine of chat to prospective diners and drinkers:
“Hi, where are you from?”
Or “Have you just arrived?”
Or “Phew, it’s hot today isn’t it?”
Or on an evening only, “Have you dined this evening?”
Having exchanged pleasantries with a couple but not pulling them in she came over to us and gave us the menu. They always do this even though they know we are here for the all-day-breakfast as it’s only 10:30 in the morning. She was gone then back outside in the sun where she spoke to guy on his own who was tall, plump and looked about 55, he was wearing a blue checked shirt and plain red shorts and a big smile. She then swept her arm vaguely at tables and asked him where he wanted to sit as in ; front, back, sunshine or shade. He chose to sit at the sunny table in front of us and ordered a beer. She looked up smiling and nodded at the rear of the restaurant so that within a few seconds a waitress who looked like she had dual Spanish/Oriental heritage appeared with a big smile and asked in accented but perfect English what he wanted. Gaffer returned to her pitch two or three meters onto the prom. The waitress having returned with his beer came to us and took our order for two full English breakfasts and one beer and one tea.
The waitress returned shortly with a beer and a pot of tea and big guy ordered another pint, he must have been thirsty. A few minutes later our breakfasts arrived, I put my paper away and Penny turned her e-reader off. Big-guy ordered another beer. We set to enjoy our breakfasts and were half way through when Big-guy put his arm up for the waitress then ordered another beer. We were just finishing our toast and jam when Big-guy put up his hand once again for another beer, I had finished mine so ordered two beers as we decided to sit and watch the world go by for a while. Soon after he ordered another beer. I had hardly started on mine and Penny’s looked untouched.
The sun had moved around by now and was shining hotly on us both but a couple on another table saved us asking by asking the gaffer themselves to wind the sunshade a little further out to put us all in the shade again. She went to get the crank handle and wound the green and yellow sunshade out by a couple of meters and all was well again.
Big-guy put his arm up again but this time asked for the bill. I detected a flutter of relief cross the gaffer’s face and I suspect that the staff were becoming concerned about Big-guy quaffing so much so quickly.
At this point I thought to myself “Ah ah! I have won”. This was a secret silliness; there was never any drinking contest and if there had been he would have won it.
He paid his bill with a lot of cheerful chatter and stood and walked away with only an imperceptible sway that would go unnoticed by most people.

I asked for our bill.